an overload of psychic energy
last night, druing rehearsal, i started getting a headache. all of a sudden, in the middle of a scene, my head started pounding. luckily, it was toward the end of the night so i just dealt with it and got on the train to head home. at lake, a thousand people got on. most of them had just seen a show, some of them were drunk. everybody was loud. i was trying to read. i tried to concentrate on the book, but the girl talking about how she pops her zits and lets them ooze on her boyfriend had my attention. she said he thinks it's gross. so do i. it's getting cold out.
when i got off the train, it was windy. and not the fun type of windy that i've come to like in this city, but the kind of windy that makes you want to kill babies, it's so cold. i got back to my apartment and blake wanted to go out. we did, after a little bit of rest head out. we went to a few different bars, trying to find something interesting going on in wrigleyville on a wednesday night. nothing was. we ended up at sheffield's for the longest amount of time. i was beginning to feel rested.
since school started, my schedule has been such that some days (like yesterday), i leave home at 6:30 a.m. and don't return until 11 p.m. it's uncomfortable. i don't like it, and it's beginning to wear on me. last night, it was alcohol that helped me deal with it. more alcohol than i should have consumed.
i woke up late this morning, another headache. i smoked pot to get rid of it, it helped some. i decided to take the bus to school. i decided to stand on lakeshore drive in nothing more than a sweater and wait for the bus to take me to school. thankfully, it was quick. i passed the newly colored trees. gone is green. yellow is in season. i passed north beach, the waves from lake michigan smashing against the shore on a partly cloudy day in which the sun barely made it through the clouds to reflect upon the water making it appear that somebody was shining a light on crumpled, animate tin foil, i passed the greenest grass i've seen in months. on michigan avenue, i passed mayor daley's workers repairing another small, artificial waterfall that lined the streets.
when i got to school, i remembered today was the anti-war rally. "no school, no work, the world can't wait, drive out the bush regime," the sign said. so i answered the call. and now i'm sitting in grant park, on my computer. observing the group of 100 or 150 people assembled to protest the war in iraq. there are volunteers wearing orange shirts, children with their parents, a man wearing the unmistakable mask of death and bearing a sign that says "stay out of iran." someone is chanting in a language i can't understand and there are black girls dancing in unison. i recognize one person. i am the only one writing anything down. there is a man with a hankerchief tied around his face, like he's prepared to do something that he doesn't want the cameras to know about. a world flag. a poster that says "leaders make wars, people stop them." do all of these people believe they are making a change? are they here just to have an excuse to miss school? like i am?
sometimes i need to remember that things aren't as bad as i want them to be. i am on top of my schoolwork, it's great having blake here, we really should get out of iraq. not being home all day and night is not the end of the world. neither is the war. sometimes i need to turn off the computer and join in.
